Most of my life has been spent in fear - fear of “bad” people, fear of not having or being enough, fear of doing something wrong and failing, fear of the sky falling, fear of the unknown. A very prominent man in my life taught me to be afraid … of everything. He did an exquisite job of removing from my very being the innocent confidence we are born with, that thing that feels no fear and sees no barriers to anything. I have a philosophy that all negative emotions arise from fear - anger, hatred, bitterness, resentment; they all sprout their ugly little heads out of a stem that is rooted in fear.
Over the past nearly four years, I have learned that this man was very, very wrong. And I will not be democratic and say that he was incorrect in his assessment that fear is good only for me; he was wrong globally, entirely, completely. For a man who saw only perfection in color and all the rest turned to black and white and then nothing, he really cheated himself out of a lot of goodness.
For just under four years, I have been inundated with the goodness of strangers. Nowhere in my plan for my life would I have ever seen myself welcoming complete strangers onto my property and into my life. Dear God, they might want to kill me! Or worse yet, keep me alive and torture me. Or even worse yet, they might not like me. But that has not happened, not even once. From the outrageous liveliness of young female firefighters Morgan, Moani, Mariel, and Carly to the funky and fabulous song stylings of Bamboo Eric who finished recording his rap CD in the yurt to the precious love and ultimate engagement of Isaac and Ry to the beauty and grace of Christa, Madi, and Tye to recent weekend skiers and anniversary celebrators Tim, Pam, Stacy, Mark, Ella, and Robin et al to my three friends who I have not even met yet and are en route from Sante Fe, New Mexico, Colleen, Nathan, and Alan to the phenomenal horse women who have become such an important, daily part of my life from bailing a horse and saving it from slaughter to advising me about a skin condition to trimming and treating a cracked, abscessed hoof - Simrat, Darla, Andee, Marea, Susan, and so many more - you all have taught me to trust again, something I knew as a child. I have not even met all of you, and I consider you my friends.
Because of you, I no longer fear. I am not afraid of not having enough or being enough for you. I am not afraid of you not liking me. I am not afraid of trying something I have never done, and I am not afraid of screwing that up. I am not afraid of the sky falling. I am not afraid of you. I am not afraid.
Thank you.
Please visit other Thankful Thursdays at Akal Ranch and The Pony Expression.
Mindy Lou-Who, my special pygora goat buddy ~Photo courtesy of Ashley Kurin Photography
